The Iceberg Theory
By Michael de Glanville & Viola Edward….
Searching for a deeper understanding about ourselves and our behaviour patterns can sometimes feel like a long road as we experiment with one theory and then another, developing the tools and skills to make sense of our existence, of our purpose in life. Which will be the right turnings to take to help us honour the simple gift of being alive and bring contentment and gratitude into our hearts?
After a good number of sessions, somewhere on that long road, some clients express it as “I feel that much of the weight I used to carry on my shoulders has lifted. I feel so much better, though still a bit vulnerable and in a way lost, when new challenges appear in my life.” So as we continue the journey, let us explore the impact that our beliefs and attitudes can have on our behaviour. The interestingly named “Iceberg Theory” takes an example from nature to help us visualise how our feelings and behaviour stem from our beliefs and that those beliefs can be investigated, brought to the surface and changed.
When we talk about ‘happiness being a choice’, we are saying that when some painful situation happens in our life we have the choice in deciding what attitude to adopt and how we will deal with the problem. We don’t have to wait for ‘things to happen’ to us, we are in charge of our state of mind, we can create, make new choices and challenge the old beliefs that were hampering our actions and distorting our attitude.
“An individual’s personality can be seen as constellation of beliefs. Between any event, whether real or imaginary, and our reaction to it, there is a belief. That belief fuels our feelings, our wants, and our behaviour. Change the belief and we change the feeling as well as the behaviour” Barry Neil Kaufman.
Let us be clear about the fact that no vision, process or technique can be the ultimate panacea. We can still stumble and fall. The important point is how we manage to get up and continue with the learning. We don’t mean that we need to fall to learn, or that we need to suffer to understand a teaching… we can also be blessed and find gentle, quick and joyful ways to evolve and accomplish the changes in an easy way….having an attitude of love and gratitude enhances the process of awareness.
The Iceberg Theory
For every metre of an iceberg that can be seen above the surface of the water, there are 20 metres that cannot be seen below it. We can draw a parallel with the iceberg concerning our behaviour. The behavioural aspects visible in us are the result of deeply hidden beliefs and thought patterns, which lead us to express ourselves with one form of behaviour or another. To transform this visible behaviour, we must therefore work on ourselves at that deep level where the thought patterns and beliefs that form the basis of our attitude to life are situated.
“We are our own making and undoing. It is our own thoughts that forge both the weapons of self-destruction and the tools for building heavenly mansions of joy and peace. It is through correct choice and the true application of correct thoughts that the individual ascends to divine perfection. Through the abuse and wrong application of his thoughts, however, he descends to below the level of beasts. The different types of character are to be found between these two extremes and it is here that the individual is creator and master.”
Why this focus on thought? The mind is the most powerful instrument that man possesses and, as science has proved, it works non-stop twenty-four hours a day (unless trained through meditation to do otherwise). Thought is energy that moves continuously and, following the different Personal Laws concerning thought, it is fundamental in creating the world within and around us, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually speaking.
Anything that you repeatedly think about ends up coming true for you. In your own personal life “whatever the mind resists, persists” but the desire to change is unfortunately not enough on its own. Just take a minute to think about your own life. How many times have you feared that something was going to happen and then it has come true? Afterwards you probably said, “I knew that was going to happen”. However, as you learn to consciously and intentionally direct your mind to be attentive, your energy begins to move in a continuous way towards experiencing integration, that feeling of inner harmony within yourself when things are in their place.
At this point, you probably start to recognise the enormous amount of negative ideas and thoughts that you have about yourself, about life, love, relationships, money, success, etc. It’s all a very personal story, along with everything else that has been stuffed away down at the psychological 20-metre mark: the way you were born, your first breath, the first few years of your life, how you were brought up, your family’s beliefs and cultural beliefs in general, and above all, how you yourself perceive your life story.
We are co-creators of our thoughts. All things are interconnected. The energy that exists everywhere in the universe shapes human consciousness as well and it responds in an incredible way to our thoughts and feelings. Our energy, in the form of thoughts and feelings, irradiates outwards to the world, affecting other energy systems as it does so. Gary Zukav has expressed it in the following way: “In a strict mathematical as well as a philosophical sense, whatever is out there would seem to depend on what we decide here inside. Modern physics states that an observer cannot observe something without altering what he is observing”.
So if you decide to undertake a process of personal growth, you first need to ascertain and examine what is going on inside yourself, because that is where many of your life’s circumstances are created.
Sublime experiences can occur even in the face of a difficult situation, when something deep down inside you tells you how valuable you are and how wonderful life can be. Listen to what is going on deep down inside of you. You can return to the essential being that you really are and expand this outward. Cherish the divine personal motivation within yourself and use it to achieve complete success.
The Realm of the Emotions
Ranging from euphoria to tranquillity, emotions are natural and intuitive and they form part of man’s multidimensional consciousness. We are so frightened of others finding out what we really think about ourselves that we become masters of struggle and control.
There are many negative, limiting emotions and there are numerous ways that they can affect us. Fear, anger, malice, sadness, sorrow, gloom, obsession, hatred, resentment, loneliness, feeling abandoned, grief, anxiety, vengeance, guilt, feeling victimised, the list is almost endless. Each one of these emotions manifests a result in our lives. Joy, so fundamental for good health, may be missing from life. Decisiveness, responsibility and willpower, so essential for getting things done, can be absent. Mulling things over too much, turns into worry and obsession and limits our ability to genuinely express success.
Our attributes are our best and most loyal servants, because they say yes to all of our demands. Nevertheless, it is up to you and to your level of understanding and development, you have the choice to make them Positive or Negative. Your job therefore is to understand this and clean up. We all have an emotional memory and have experienced negative, limiting emotions and positive, expansive emotions. The point is whether we are emotionally addicted or not. As free beings and have no desire to be trapped in the grip of fear, sadness or anger. Although we all experience these emotions, we want to be free from them. This is why it is necessary to understand the realm of the emotions and how it interacts with the other areas of our life.
“…Guilt, anger and fear hold us captive when the emotional body feeds on fear. You can fake that you are not feeling anger, guilt, fear or sadness, but there is no way around the emotion. Sooner or later, you will have to pass through it and absorb it with your consciousness. However, you can only absorb the emotions that you are aware of.”
In short, the key to moving forward in all the areas of your life is to integrate what you are and what your experience of life has been. Do not be afraid to be happy and content, some people’s biggest fear is that if they become happy they might stop moving forward, but as we accept and trust in the self more, we can find the opposite to be true. We become more energetic and passionate in expressing and trying to achieve what we want. As is beautifully expressed by Barry Neil Kaufman “My feelings were no longer at stake. Whether I got what I wanted or not, I could still be comfortable. And, yet, in permitting myself to freely want more as I became happier, I noticed myself getting more of what I wanted”.
If you are interested in deepening your knowledge about “Creative thinking” you can participate in sessions with Viola and Michael.
We would love to hear from you with your comments, experiences and questions. Contact us at email@example.com. Mob. 0533 867 3685. FaceBook: ViolaEdward Coaching
You can download a free copy of Viola’s book “Breathing the Rhythm of Success” and find a collection of previous articles in this series from http://www.violaedward.com
About Viola & Michael.
Viola came to Cyprus from Venezuela in 2002 to join Michael who was born on the Island and returned from France in 1999. Viola and Michael are both trained therapists in Breathwork and they founded Kayana Ltd in 2003. Viola specialises in Relationship Coaching, Business Consulting and Colour and Image. Michael has an Engineering background and specialises in Massage and Watsu.