Love or Extreme Jealousy
Viola Edward & Michael de Glanville…..
Any Questions for us?
Question: I thought that my boy friend was a very loving and caring man; it took me a while to see that his “over caring” was extreme jealousy. He doesn’t recognise that he has any problem of insecurity; therefore he thinks that a woman in relationship should devote her energy and time to her partner and nobody else nor anything else. I feel that I can’t breathe, that I didn’t manage to see and share with my friends for a long time and that I can’t have privacy, even in my media connections. After four years of relationship, I feel that I have become a weak woman who can’t be herself.
Thank you for sharing your feelings. It takes time for many people to be able to understand what is really going on in their relationship, and even then, it will take time to make a decision.
Let’s check this list together
- Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live your life?
- Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy?
- Is he extremely jealous and possessive?
- Does he switch from charm to anger without warning?
- Does he belittle your opinions, your feelings, or your accomplishments?
- Does he withdraw love, money, approval, or sex to punish you?
- Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship?
- Do you find yourself “walking on eggshells” and apologizing all the time?
Susan Forward, a Psychologist who works with women writes …Often when I ask clients to describe their partners’ attributes I hear such things as: “He’s a hard worker”, “He is a good provider”, “He is fun”, “He spends time with the children”, “He is charming”, “He is handsome”. Certainly these traits and behaviours are attractive. But they are not the underpinnings of a good relationship.
A good relationship is based on mutual respect and a relatively equal balance of power. It involves concern for and sensitivity to each other’s feelings and needs, as well as an appreciation of the things that make each partner so special. Of course, within this ideal there is room for arguments, bad moods, differences of opinions, even anger. However, loving partners find effective ways of dealing with their differences; they do not view each encounter as a battle to be won or lost.
A good relationship, in other words, should enrich and add to your life, not narrow it by forcing you to give up those things that are integral to your character. We enter into relationships attracted to the qualities we see in our partners. If we are required to lose our best qualities in order to ‘keep the peace’, something is seriously wrong.
Remember that you can only change your behaviour and nobody else’s. The good news, however, is that once you begin to change your responses to your partner’s behaviour, the relationship itself must change along with it.
Nowadays, we have so many opportunities and different ways to work on our behaviour, there are Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Psychotherapists, Relationship and Life Coaches, Breathworkers, Counsellors, Hypnotherapists, etc…If you decide to do this work, please choose a technique that appeals to you, contact the professional of your choice, work together and re-empower yourself to create your boundaries and co-create the loving relationship you deserve.
If you are interested in deepening your knowledge about “Conscious relationship” you can participate in sessions with Viola and Michael, in person and online.
We would love to hear from you with your comments, experiences and questions. Contact us email@example.com. Mob. 0533 867 3685. FaceBook: ViolaEdward Coaching
You can download a free copy of Viola’s book “Breathing the Rhythm of Success” and find a collection of previous articles in this series from www.violaedward.com
About Viola & Michael.
Viola came to Cyprus from Venezuela in 2002 to join Michael who was born on the Island and returned from France in 1999. Viola and Michael are both trained therapists in Breathwork and they founded Kayana Ltd in 2003. Viola specialises in Relationship Coaching, Business Consulting and Colour and Image. Michael has an Engineering background and specialises in Massage and Watsu.