Reviews

Army Life From A Guard Dog’s Point Of View – By Roy Oswick

By the late Roy Oswick……..

Hi readers,

I am Royal Military Police Guard Dog ‘B 308’ Paddy.

Not a name that I would have chosen, but that’s the Army for you. I’ve been in service now for about 3 years, I did not volunteer for this life you understand, no, I was quite happy doing my happy families thing with a professional couple and I was the centre of attention until one day I woke and found that a miniature human had become entrenched in the family home. I had never been consulted and was expected to simply love this thing that kept me awake all night and did nothing but squawk and make other peculiar noises all day. After a very short while I found myself being transported to an Army Camp where the guy who was supposed to be my best friend handed me On guardover to this strange man in a uniform who said that I was just the sort of dog that he was looking for, and that he was sure I would be a great Guard Dog. And that was that. I was pretty upset for a few days but then I started my training and I loved it. Running around all day and actually being rewarded for biting people, a dogs heaven!!!!

Of course it had its down side. The discipline was strict but once I got used to obeying orders I soon settled down and looking back I really enjoyed my training and now here I am, one of the senior dogs in the kennels with a good deal of experience, and a fair few captures under my belt. The work is hard, all night shifts, but the conditions are good and the food is great, and, I get a new handler every  6 months or so which is great fun.

If you could see their faces on the first day of their training you could not help but laugh. All of us dogs put on a real show for them, especially mad Marty, he steals the show every time. He is such an ugly devil and those red eyes they scare the life out of me so what the poor b…..s think when he starts performing god only knows.

I have actually seen some of them turn and run away from the kennel area!!!

Mind you some of us do get a bit carried away at times, especially Sprint down at the end. He can be a grumpy old b…..d  sometimes, and I have known him to bite one of these guys on the very first day which I think is a bit over the top. I know they can be a pain, but come on they did not volunteer for this and it cannot be a lot of fun to be cIts a dogs life imageonfronted by 20 or so fighting fit 80lbs howling banshees for the first time, and then being told by the Training Sergeant to open the kennel and go in. It would scare the daylights out of me too!!!

Anyway it’s all part of the job and it gives us a chance to brush up on our skills, plus while we are training the new handlers, and believe me that is what happens, (they think that they handle us, but that is far from the case) we get 2 weeks off duties so we get to spend 14 nights in our kennels instead of pounding the beat around those old depots, nice little perk!!

Well, have to go now, time for lunch and I have just heard the Sergeant say that a new course starts tomorrow so no doubt we will all have a little rehearsal tonight ready for the next bunch of  would be Guard Dog handlers.

I can hear mad Marty warming up already, he will probably keep us awake all night while he goes through his party pieces, pity the poor MP on kennel guard duty tonight. No sleep for him I fear, Hey Ho, life is never boring and I wonder what my new handler will be like. Please God not one of those macho men who want to be masterful on the first day, might be forced to do a Sprint if he is, prefer not to so let’s hope for the best.

Here we are then. New Course, first day. We have been up since dawn practicing and are really up for this. Judging by last night’s rehearsal this morning should be one of our best performances ever.

Yes here they are. Just look at them. Not a bad looking bunch but oh, oh, there he is Macho man, built like the proverbial, strutting his stuff, please let him go past my kennel, what a part!!!

I leave you with a look at what my doggie mates are doing in the British Army today.